Eye Had A Bad Experience...

So I had an eye appointment yesterday. Every year, it seems my hubby’s insurance changes (with regards to dental/vision). I hate having to go to new doctors. I just hate it.

Anyway, I go to this new place and after I check in, I have to fill out the necessary paperwork. The dude who gave me the paperwork and pen was sniffling and coughing and obviously sick. Thanks, Man. Thanks a lot.

After about 10 minutes, the doctor comes out to get me personally. I found this strange. He was on the younger side, tall and goofy looking. No personality at all. “I’m Dr So-And-So” and that was it. I said, “Oh, it’s very nice to meet you.” NO RESPONSE. NADA

We get into the room and he sits down at his little desk and starts reading through my records. (FYI: I had asked if I should send my records ahead of time – so that they could read the records BEFORE I come – but they said no). So I got to sit there for 15 minutes while he read everything. It was lots of fun.

He comes over and starts doing the “Better 1? Better 2?” bullshit. He says they don’t do the eye poof test (for glaucoma) anymore and can he dilate my eyes? I said I guess so, but I was a bit nervous because I’d never had it done before. Then he goes back to look something up in my chart – my pressure or something. He was riffling through the papers and I asked him what was involved with the dilation. He says, very tersely: “I’M TRYING TO LOOK SOMETHING UP IN YOUR CHART!” In other words – shut the phuck up.

So he comes over with the drops and I warned him. I said, “I’m very bad with people putting anything near my eyes, so I just want to warn you –” and before I could even finish, he throws my head back, pries my eyelids open, and crams the drops in there. After the first one, my natural reaction was to close my eyes. He would have none of that! He immediately pries open my other eyelid and repeats his technique. Then he hands me a tissue. How kind…

I go to wipe my eyes, and there is this yellow stuff coming out of them. I FREAKED! I asked if it was supposed to be yellow, and I get a sarcastic, “yeeeeees.” Well, excuse me! What a dickhead! I told him I had never had this done before and I was freaked out. Good grief!

Anyway, he then puts in the SECOND set of drops, just as "gently" as the first and tells me to go out to the waiting room and pick out new frames. I asked if I should wear sunglasses or something and he says no.

I walk out to the waiting room and 1) I can’t see shit and 2) my eyes are killing me from the light. This woman comes over to help me pick out frames and I have to practically stand across the street to see what they look like in the mirror! I had to rely on her to tell me what they looked like. And here are some of the responses I got from her when I tried on different pairs:

“Oh no, those make your face look even rounder!”
“Those make you look really angry!”
“Oh no, those make you look like you’re tired!”
“Those just do NOT look good on you at all!”

Yeah, it was phucking great.

So I pick out a pair and go to pay for the glasses. I’m writing out what I THINK is a check. Still not sure about that – couldn’t see shit close-up. I go back over and sit down and wait to be called back in by Dr Charming.

He calls me back in, tells me to sit back, and forces open my eyelid and shines the brightest light in my eye whilst using this huge refractory magnifying glass thingy. No warning at all. Just comes right at me. AND IT HURT SO BAD!

Now, I’m sure lots of you have had this done before and it’s old hat. But I’ve never had it done and I had no idea what to expect.

Then he starts getting mad at me because he tells me to look to the left and the right. My eyes are tearing up and I’m unable to open up my eyes or to even see anything and he has the nerve to say “I said look left. This way is left” and POINTS. Points to the left like I'm a friggin idiot and I don't know which way is left!

I wanted to knock him into next Tuesday. I was so close to his junk – if I could have seen anything, I’d have punched him there! REPEATEDLY!!!

Next, he tells me that my pressure has gone up and that this is an indication of glaucoma and I’m borderline. I started to panic. "Should I be worried?!?!" “Just come back for yearly visits and we’ll keep an eye on it,” he says. Obviously irritated by me. Then, he hands me a Kleenex and tells me I’m free to go.

I felt like we had just had sex and he threw my clothes at me and told me to get out. I felt so cheap and used. It brought back some warm and fuzzy memories of my youth. Ah… memories…

Oh, sorry – where was I?

Well, after I put my clothes back on - er, um, I mean after I grabbed my purse and coat - I left that place and barely made it home (not a fun drive, People!). When I got home, I told hubby the whole story. He has opted to find another optometrist. I can guarantee you I will be doing the same in a year!

See ya, Never, Dr. Douchebag. SEE YA NEVER!!!!!!!!!

PS: the eye chart in the cartoon says -
I
Am An
Insane Eye Doctor
And I Am Going To Kill You
As You Sit There Reading This...

I Heart TV

TV SHOWS I WATCH AND THEIR STATUS FOR THE FALL LINE-UP

Shows That Were Renewed (YAY!!!):

● CSI (Awesome!)
● CSI: Miami (Not Bad)
● CSI: New York (Eh)
● Cold Case (Kick Ass!)
● How I Met Your Mother (Better With Every Episode)
● The Simpsons (Forever Awesome)
● Family Guy (Good Stuff)
● The Office (Greatest Show Ever Made - EVER!)
● My Name is Earl (I Love Randy)

Shows That Will Probably Be Renewed (Fingers Crossed!):

● Medium (So Cool)
● ER (I Still Watch – Don’t Know About Anyone Else!)
● Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (Welcome Back, Ty Pennington. Welcome Back!)

Shows That Are On The Fence (Oh Shit!):

● Scrubs – NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
● King of Queens – NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
● Girlfriends – Bummer
● Out Of Practice – It’s Been Getting Better, Too
● Yes, Dear – I Guess It’s Time For It To Go, But It Used To Be Really Funny

Shows That Have Almost No Chance (So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Good Night):

● Bernie Mac – That’s A Shame
● Four Kings – It Had Such Potential
● Joey – What Could Have Been...
● Fear Factor – Like A Train Wreck, I Can’t Look Away. And I'll Miss Joe's Biceps

I hate having to find new shows to watch! I get so attached to my stories. Damnit. I hate when my friends leave me... Why do they always leave me??!!??!!

Happy Easter

HAPPY EASTER EVERYBODY!

See you next week

Peace out,
Lo Lo

Don't Be A Hater!

Okay, so I haven’t ranted in a while. So you guys are in for an earful!

This morning, I’m listening to the radio and I hear that Mandisa got voted off of “American Idol” this week, which was a shock. And then I hear the reason why, and it’s an even bigger shock!

Apparently, she was being interviewed by “The Advocate” and she made some very ignorant comments, which I will sum up for you: She is religious, and therefore doesn’t believe in homosexuality and would not feel comfortable performing at a gay venue.

WOW

WOW

WOW

Well, I haven’t been watching “AI” this season, but I can guarantee you she wouldn’t have gotten my votes either!!

Anywho, the DJ made a comment about how Mandisa is a “Hater” and a “Hypocrite.” Apparently, Mandisa has been upset this season because she is heavy and Simon has been picking on her about her weight. And the DJ was saying that she is a hypocrite because she is upset about being discriminated against WHILE SHE IS DISCRIMINATING AGAINST OTHERS. I thought the DJ’s point was well-made and right on.

Of course, this sparked an onslaught of phone calls. And there was this one ignoramus, in particular, who was spouting off about how we have to give witness to these people and that the Bible forbids it and blah blah blah.

You know, this just really sticks in my craw. I love how these ultra-religious freaks go around quoting the Bible whilst condemning and persecuting others. Is that really what God wants us to do? Does he really want us to be this way?? It’s not our place to judge others.

Besides, the Bible was written how many years ago? Sure it references not laying down with another man but what about “an eye for an eye”? Does that still apply? How about sacrificing our children? We still allowed to do that? And we’re not supposed to work on Sunday, so does that mean that everyone who works at the mall on Sunday is going to hell? COME ON, PEOPLE. Give me a freaking break. The times have changed, you morons!

Then this other douche bag calls in and says that he’s very religious and that Mandisa didn’t say she hated gays. She said she didn’t feel comfortable around them and that just makes her honest.

Well, you know what? Hitler was honest when he said he hated the Jews. And murdred them because they weren’t white. And the KKK was honest when they said they hated Blacks and subsequently killed them. And I’m being honest when I say I hate these phuckers who go off half-cocked with their Praise-Jesus talk, and act the LEAST CHRISTIAN of any of us. After all, the Golden Rule is “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Treat others how you want to be treated.

I’m Catholic. Grew up going to Catholic grade school, high school, and even college. Church on Sundays and everything. And you know what? I don’t hate gay people. I LOVE THEM. I don’t know; perhaps I’m a little too close to the issue. I mean, I was “Grace Adler” before “Will & Grace” ever came on the air. I dated my Michael in high school. He came out in college. We lived together for 5 years. We are still best friends. He was in my wedding party. I was in his. He is my son’s Godfather, for crying out loud!

Shit, when I was in college, every time I turned around someone was coming out to me. I wore my title, “Fag Hag,” with great pride. Frankly, I could have started my own religion; I had such a huge following (LoLo Ron Hubbard???). The point is that everyone knew I was okay with it and that I embraced it. And I let them know that I was comfortable with it and that they could come to me. Because they were my friend before they came out. And they would be my friend after.

And to this day, I still have lots of gay friends.

And Black friends.

And Jewish friends.

And Arabic friends.

And skinny friends.

And fat friends.

And old friends.

And young friends.

And they were all born the way they are. And I love them all.

I am so tired of this fight!! It’s so ridiculous. I am so tired FOR everyone out there who has been persecuted, victimized, wronged, mistreated, and hurt BECAUSE THEY ARE WHO THEY ARE. I am so tired of ignorant people, afraid of others being different so they hate the others. It is just wrong. And I’m tired of it! It’s too bad open

We’re all different. That’s what makes the world interesting. Some of us are religious and some of us are not. Some of us are men, some women. Some of us like men, some like women. Some of us are white, some black, and all other beautiful shades of the rainbow of the races in this world. Together we paint the earth with gorgeous and vivid colors.

Why can’t we all embrace that? Why can’t we love our differences? And why can’t we all just get along?