The Squeegy: A One-Use Tool

This morning as I was driving into work, I was following a huge blue conversion van. Spattered along the back doors was some sort of pinkish substance. It brought up a fond memory from my youth. Several years ago, I was designated driver for a group of drunken and rowdy 19-year-old girls. We were returning home from a long and heavy night of partying. As we hopped on the freeway leaving Downtown Cleveland (The Flats), my friend crawled over another friend in the back seat, rolled down the window, and proceeded to vomit out the window at 65 mph. Her aim wasn't so good, and the vomit actually landed on the passenger side of the car from the door to the trunk.

She felt really bad about what happened, and started crying. Then she reached out the window and, with the sleeve of her new winter wool jacket, proceeded to "wipe off" the puke.

I dropped all of my friends off and went straight home, not really thinking much about it.

The next morning, I had long since forgotten the incident. I was off on my merry way and decided to stop for gas. When I got out of the car to fill up, I noticed huge, crystalized puke-cicles. Yes, it was the dead of winter, and my friend's vomit was frozen to my car.

All I had to work with was the window-cleaner-squeegy thing. Here's a helpful hint for all of you: Squeegies do NOT scrape puke-cicles off of your vehicle. I ended up using my window scraper and then immediately throwing it out. Being winter time, I (of course!) could not get it washed. It looked horrid.

Later on that night, my parents asked me what was all over the side of my car. I told them I thought it was mud. They didn't buy it, on account of mud isn't pink and doesn't have chunks of food in it and doesn't smell like vomit. But that was my story, and I stuck to it.

Ahhhh, youth. Good times, good times.