Hurl, Spew, Puke, Barf, Blow Chunks....
Whatever you want to call it, my son vomitted everywhere last night. It was about 10:30pm. Bed time. I was just getting into bed and hubby was putting the little guy into his crib. For some reason, he woke up, realized he was in his crib, and started crying. Now, being that I have to get up at 5am, I'd rather just appease the little one and let him sleep in our bed. He's out like a light in 10 seconds, and it spares me the agony of listening to him scream for hours. But hubby decides we should listen to the doctor and just let him cry. You know, shake it off. You're almost 11 months old. Snap out of it.
Yeah, right....
Anyway, the little guy knows just how to get his way: He throws up everywhere. And when I say everywhere, I mean it was in his eyelashes, eyebrows, in his hair, up his nose, all over the sheets, through the mattress pad, onto the mattress, on the bumper pads, etc, etc, etc.
And the way I find out about the incident is via my husband, who is screaming: "Oh phuck! Oh Jezzus! Oh phuck! Holy shit! Oh my GOD!" This, of course, prompts Lo Lo to fly out of bed and come to the rescue. I run into the room and hubby is standing there, holding the puking machine. So I strip him down, get him in the tub for bath #2, dry him off, pass off baby, strip the bed, strip hubby (who is also covered), run downstairs, put in a load of laundry, and come back up to let the baby sleep in our bed... which was what both he and I originally wanted to do.
Now, of course, it's after 11pm, and I cannot fall asleep because I'm worried about the little guy. And frankly I'm just waiting for another incident, this time in our bed. But the baby, on the otherhand, is off to la la land, happy as a pig in shit because - once again - he won. I can just hear his little voice inside his head (picture the little baby from "Family Guy") saying "Victory is mine!"
This incident made me I realized that the smell of bile is probably my least favorite smell. A very close second is the scent of a poopy diaper. Blech. Oh yes, the untold joys of parenthood....
So that was my exciting night. And don't even think you can top it, because you can't. We live for excitement in the Lo Lo household! It is just one andrenaline rush after another, after another, after another....
posted by Lo Lo Lova @ 5:12 AM
16 Comments:
No non-parent understands this situation.
The smell. The desire to sleep... denied. The laundry. The bathing.
I can top it, though. 3 a.m. vomit session. Then, in the midst of cleanup operations, the laundry tub overflows all over the floor.
Roto virus. That's all I'll say. Roto virus.
And. When all of us Ubergirls had food poisoning and I was literally too weak to help Uberdilf. He had two vomiting, diarreah girls while I was vomiting and diarreahing myself downstairs.
Good times, good times.
I empathize with you, with both of you. Alas I am not a parent so I will refrain from joke making and wise cracking and simply say that as much as I like children and am looking forward to being a parent every story I hear like this makes me a bigger fan of adoption, so long as the kid is above the age of 2.
Nick, parenthood is "the toughest job you'll ever love." It ain't easy, but it is an amazing gift to be a parent. To have a little person love you unconditionally; to have a little hand reach out and touch you; to have little face light up when they see you; there is no greater joy. But the puking, not so much fun. I wish for you that you experience the joy of it all. And if you're going to avoid the puking, you might want to consider above the age of 10.
Ubi, YOU WIN!
You're right about non-parents not understanding, but this particular one doesn't really want to find out about it first hand.
Whenever my parent friends try to persuade me about the joys of being a dad they tend to end up telling stories like this one. You truly have my sympathy - I'd struggle to cope with situations like these - but you breeders need to get your public relations sorted or you're not going to recruit any new members to the ranks. Not round these parts anyhoo.
Captain: My best friend and his husband do not want kids. (yes, you read that correctly - they are both dudes and yes they were married in Canada). Anywho, I applaud anyone who makes this decision ahead of time, instead of having a child and resenting the child, abusing the child, abandoning the child, etc.
However, this being said, my best friend is my son's Godfather and he is wonderful to him. So you can still enjoy kids when they're not your own (ie: nephews & nieces, friends' kids, cousins, etc). I respect your decision not to "breed" and hope you are able to at least enjoy someone else's children peripherrally. And I do NOT mean this in a Michael Jackson sort of way!!!
So, kids are a lot of work. What isn't?
You'd be surprised how your tolerance of and respect for human bodily functions rise after having kids.
Plus, what will Karl Rove torture me with when he loads me onto a box car and puts me in the concentration camp? Pain? I gave birth to a 10 lb 2 oz baby and an 8 lb 14 oz baby. No c-section either time. Sleep deprivation? Hah! Starvation? well, maybe.
Ubermilf - I couldn't agree more! Anything worth having is worth working for! Life is a challenge. It's complex and complicated, wonderful and terrible, full of highs and lows.
That's what makes it interesting and worth-while.
"Life may not be the party we hope for, but while we are here, we might as well dance." And who better to dance with than your precious children?!
Oh and - 10 lbs 2 oz? Are you able to walk? Or do you ride around in one of those scooters? Holy Shit, Ubermilf. I bow down before you!
Do you mean a Rascal? Or like a Segway?
I found a website yesterday that will let you ostensibly pimp your Segway. Spinning rims and everything.
Yes! Exactly.
Around here, they have these terrible commercials for this thing called the "Hover-Round." There are these 2 elderly ladies at the Grand Canyon on their Hover-Rounds and one of them yells "Hover-Round" and it echos. But she is very hard to understand. So my husband thought she was yelling "Avalanche." So we now call all motorized scooters "Avalanche."
That's a fascinating story.
I do get to enjoy other's children in a non "Ponce of Pop" kind of way as I have ten nieces. No nephews, just nieces, and feel like I've been through the whole shit puke scream whine tantrum think already, even thoguh it was once removed.
But you raise another valid point - there's no way I'd want to pass a volleyball like that through any orifice so I can hardly expect someone else to do it for me
Lo Lo: I never get tired of the "Nick is an Asshole" story. It has so many different plot lines. It's more of a serial, actually.
Yeah, they were actually afraid I dislocated my hip after the 10 lb-er. Turns out I just reeaaally stretched it.
I have the hourglass shape, but I am not that large of a woman. Again, amazing human body.
To gain and lose 80 lbs (40 lbs up, 40 lbs down) in the course of a year is pretty amazing, too. True, my career as a bikini model is shot...
Ubermilf, you are certainly MY hero.
Yes, I do like the Nick story myself. I laughed, I cried...
Sadly I gain 40lbs on any given day, depending on how hungry I am!
Have you read the sequel?
Read it? Hell, I WROTE it Nick!
Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
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