Greetings from Dipsy PottyBoob

HERE'S A SILLY EMAIL I GOT. MY NEW NAME IS DIPSY POTTYBOOB. NOW YOU TRY:

The following is excerpted from a children's book, Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first
name:

a = snickle

b = doombah

c = goober

d = cheesey

e = crusty

f = greasy

g = dumbo

h = farcus

i = dorky

j = doofus

k = funky

l = boobie

m = sleezy

n = sloopy

o = fluffy

p = stinky

q = slimy

r = dorfus

s = snooty

t = tootsie

u = dipsy

v = sneezy

w = liver

x = skippy

y = dinky

z = zippy


2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = dippin

b = feather

c = batty

d = burger

e = chicken

f = barffy

g = lizard

h = waffle

i = farkle

j = monkey

k = flippin

l = fricken

m = bubble

n = rhino

o = potty

p = hamster

q = buckle

r = gizzard

s = lickin

t = snickle

u = chuckle

v = pickle

w = hubble

x = dingle

y = gorilla

z = girdle


3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

a = butt

b = boob

c = face

d = nose

e = hump

f = breath

g = pants

h = shorts

i = lips

j = honker

k = head

l = tush

m = chunks

n = dunkin

o = brains

p = biscuits

q = toes

r = doodle

s = fanny

t = sniffer

u = sprinkles

v = frack

w = squirt

x = humperdinck

y = hiney

z = juice

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PLEASE INTRODUCE YOURSELF!!!!!!!!
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I'm Back, Baby!

So I'm back today, and so is Mel. She was out sick yesterday and on top of missing her, I was crazy busy. FEEL BETTER, MEL!!!

Among other things, my boss was making a video for a Japanese film crew yesterday, and I got cast a small part. I had to walk down the hallway, knock on his door, and introduce the crew. The first time they told us to wing it. Not a good idea. On the second take, I knocked on the door, by boss said, "Come in," and when I tried to open the door, it was locked. (I'm thinking this might make it to the "Bloopers Reel" at the end of the DVD...) Third take was a charm. Cut & Print!

The best part about the whole video, though, was that you never saw my face. They followed me from behind the whole time. So, I guess my ass is now famous in Japan.

I know, I know. I'm a celebrity! I will be signing autographs this afternoon in my Dressing Room between 3 and 4pm. From 2-2:55pm, I'll be in the Copy Room making 8x10 glossy copies of my now-famous tushy.

But don't worry my dear friends: I'll never forget the little people!

Rude People Piss Me Off!

So I'm driving into work behind this slow-ass sonofabitch who is driving super slow in the fast lane. And I can't get around him. Normally I'd pass on the left, but this jackass is all the way left...

Anyway, coming up behind me like a bat of hell (No, it's not Meatloaf) is this bastard who gets right on my tail. I HAVE NOWHERE TO GO. I don't know what he wants me to do, but I cannot go any faster. If he's in such an all-fire hurry, then pass on the berm. Crimmeny! So he continues to inch closer, yelling obscenities that I can make out in the rear-view. Meanwhile, the guy in front of me is still coasting along at a solid 49mph. And now the bright headlights are blaring in my rearview, and I STILL can't go anywhere. So now I'm not only pissed off at the guy in front of me, but I'm reallly starting to hate the rude jerk behind me. I feel like I'm in the middle of an asshole sandwich. And frankly, I suppose I should thank the guy behind me for the free proctology exam, since he got so far up my ass!!

So I finally get out of that mess, and get into the parking lot and onto the shuttle with no problems (I know - I couldn't believe it either!) As I'm walking to my desk, I come into contact with about 4 or 5 people - all men. What I want to know is, when did it become okay to not be a gentleman? I guess chivalry is officially dead. I mean these guys about knocked me over, coming right at me. No "excuse me" and no letting the lady pass. Nope, just plowing through herds of people. They're in a hurry, so everyone else get the phuck out of THEIR way.

You know, I'm all for Women's Lib, but I'm also all for common courtesy. If I see someone who is elderly or has their hands full, I will ALWAYS get the door for them or move the hell out of their way. It's just decency, People! I am just getting so fed up with all the rudeness in the world.

I'm sure I sound like a broken records, but I just am so tired of people being discourteous, rude, and not having manners. I promise you my son will be one of the rare men out there who hold open the door for others, who helps someone in need, who says please and thank you, and who isn't an asshole. So for all of you out there with daughters, let me tell you that my son WILL be a gentleman, and if you are interested in an arranged marriage, give me a call.

Okay, so that's my rant for the day. I'm sure there will be more later, since it's not even 8am yet...

I LOVE BON JOVI!

Can you see this picture? If not, I apologize.

I just wanted to say that I love Bon Jovi: The Man, The Band, The Music. Love it all; the whole package.

That's it.