Lactose Intolerance? Just say no!

So I believe that I am lactose intolerant, which is a bitch because I loves me some dairy!

Last night I had extra cheese pizza for dinner. This morning, I had such horrific gas that dogs in the neighborhood were helping, my baby woke up crying, and my husband vomited in his sleep.

Of course, I get to work and could not get into the building fast enough. I go to the single room potty, and barely get started when there is a knock at the door. WTF? It never fails.

Now, I do not want to say "just a minute" because 1) someone might recognize my voice and then hear the bomb that will soon follow and 2) it will be way more than a minute!

Finally, that person moves along to the bathroom right next door. Phew!

Now, I'm about midway through, and low and behold... another knock. WTF?? Can't someone just go in peace?? I think I would like to take a big sign with me to hang on the door. It will read, "Don't even think about knocking. Dump in progress!"
Anyone know where I can get a sign like this made?

Well, the good news is that I took so long that the second knocker was able to use the other bathroom as well. And thank goodness they weren't waiting outside the door for me. As my good friend Mel can attest, this is one of the horrors that face us in the work place. And while I'd like to blame it on the fictitious guy before me (ala John), I was in there for quite a while and I'm not sure how I could explain that! Any suggestions???