Chatty Patty and Judy Attitudey

Today's courtesy shuttle bus driver was new. I've never seen her before. But she certainly is a doozy! A bit of a chatty patty and a judy attitudey, all rolled into one.

First of all, the most uncomfortable thing occurred: I was the ONLY rider on the bus. I hate when this happens. Not only do I feel like a world-class asshole, but now the driver is compelled to talk to me. The trick is not to make eye-contact. But somehow, she caught me in the rear view. Damnit!

I should have known it was going to be a wild ride when she asked me where I going and when I answered, she replied, "And we're off." It was all downhill from there.

Now, we were waiting to go down the little aisle in the parking lot to get to the exit, when another car started driving down in the opposite direction. Being that the bus is enormous, there is no room for both vehicles to drive at the same time. Now, since it is the COURTESY shuttle, and the large obstruction in the lane, you would think she would wait quitely and let said car pass.

What ensued was a bit of a stand-off. The bus and car were both waiting for the other to pass. Instead of giving the friendly wave to let the car go, Judy Attitudey yells, "Oh no, don't worry about us!! WE have nowhere to go!! Just take your freakin time!!!" Of course, now I am drawn into this because when she says "we" she is obviously involving me. I give the uncomfortable nod and partial smile.

And so it begins....

Finally the car goes by and she rambles on about what a jerk the guys is, etc. I just sat there, forced to listen. Then we drive down the main boulevard and she nearly hits a pedestrian crossing the street while she is making a right-hand turn. Now Chatty Patty, her other personality, says, "Poor thing! She didn't know what I was going to do! Thought I would run her over. I don't know why they always think that!" She allows a pause for me to reply, which I don't. Then she says, "Of course, I'd never do it!"

I wanted to respond with a: Perhaps these pedestrians always think that you are going to hit them because you are driving 50mph and IN the crosswalk lines while they are trying to cross the street! But instead, just gave the nod and smile.

Then we pull up to the main building, where they are doing construction. "Looks like a war zone here!" she proclaims. And then proceeds to tell me her opinions on the construction, the plans the construction crews have for the construction, etc, etc, etc. Meanwhile, the bus seems to be moving in slo-mo, and it feels like I've been riding it for several hours.

I could not get off of that damn bus fast enough. In fact, I started to get up while it was still moving, and was prepared to jump off whilst it was still in motion. I felt like a trapped animal who was ready to gnaw off my own leg to get the hell out of there.

Finally, I was freed. I got the, "now you have a good weekend, ya hear, darlin?" as I exited. GOOD GRIEF!

I really wish I was less lazy and just hoofed it into work. But, like Dunkin' Donuts, the short bus is addictive. And, like Dunkin' Donuts, the shuttle bus people employ only the best and brightest. Not to mention the fact that I love to complain. And this is really good fodder.