American Idol or American-Who-Gives-A-Rat's-Ass.... You decide, America!

So Anwar is gone. I think this is a big mistake. 'The White Kenny G,' as I like to call him, was dubbed "technically the best singer" by that crack-head Paula Abdul. Yes, she was high as a mo-fo when she said it, but there was still truth to her cocaine-induced ranting.
(PS: Paula, stop standing up and "dancing" during the songs. You are only embarrassing yourself, you fool!)

Anwar, it's a shame that you are gone. Though I'm sure your music students will be glad to have you back. Anwar was a great performer, a better singer than a lot of those No-Talent Ass Clowns still left in the competition, and an all-around good guy. That boy had a beautiful smile that would light up a room! He just seems like such a sweetie. I'm sorry to see you go. I love my friends of Dorothy!

Let's discuss the remaining contestants, shall we?

Anthony, you are an amazing person. What you overcame is unbelievable. You were told you may never speak again, and look how far you have come! You didn't even speak English, and now you are an American Idol contestant! Wow!! If this were "American Amazing Person," you would win - hands down! But Dude, your singing sucks. No way Anwar should be gone and you are still here. You need to be the next to go.

And speaking of who else should be gone, let's talk about Scott. If Anwar and Anthony have the best personalities, you have the worst. I have no use for "men" who beat up woman. You are a piece of shit and you have a shitty attitude. Be gone with you, you jagoff! Oh and sidebar, your pork-sausage-fingers make me sick.

Next we have Constantine. This guy makes me sick. I do not understand how women find these girly men so hot. HE LOOKS LIKE A WOMAN. He's got the long hair, the highlights, and the 26 inch waste. He is a girl. Sure he sports a little stubble every now and then. But so do a lot of other women. That's why we have Nair. I also cannot stand the way he "makes love" to the camera. We get it: You think you're hot. You fall under my category of "WHY." Included in this category are other guys that I just don't get why women think they are hot. Examples include Michael Jackson, Prince, Ryan Phillipe, David Bowie, and Ricky Martin. These men are all effeminate to me. I just don't get it. Any guy who spends more time on their hair and makeup than I do is just not doing it for me.

Okay, now let's move on to the girls. Vonzelle, you are okay in my book. I think you are just "aaaa-ight" (ala Randy). Although I did NOT dig the cowboy look you sported a while back. It was cute you gave props to your dad, who bought you the outfit, but it is obvious he has terrible taste in clothing. Just because someone buys you a gift, it does not mean you should debut it on national tv. Otherwise, you are cool. Your singing has gotten better, but I just don't think you are going to make it all the way. You're cute, but that will only get you so far.

And Carrie. Carrie, Carrie, Carrie. You come on the show pretending to be this dumb blonde farm girl who is so naive and innocent. Well, I don't buy it. I used to be a fan of yours. I thought you had the best voice, hands down. But now all of a sudden you've gone all glam, and I don't think you're as dumb as you pretend to be. I just don't buy it. In fact, I kind of think you are a bitch. I don't know why, but I just have this feeling. And, instead of singing, you now SCREAM every song. We get it, you can hit the big notes. But you have a microphone. WE CAN HEAR YOU. For the love of God, stop screaming.

And last but not least, we have Bo. Bo, I think you are a stand-up guy. You do not fit the "pop idol" mold and I give you credit for being an individual and staying cool. But are you really going to win this competition? I just don't know. Yeah, you have the sexy rocker thing going on, but you're still not American Idol material. You just don't fit. So don't be a sell-out, Dude. PLEASE!

Now you may be asking: what's the point of this ridiculously long blog? Well, I'll tell you. I'm not voting for any of these people. I just don't give a rat's ass. I'm so not into it this year.

Maybe I'm jealous. Maybe I'm pissed. When this thing started 4 years ago and I was 28, I was too old. Now that I'm almost 32, they raise the age to 28 and I'm still too old. That is total BS.

Am I a good singer? Well, does a bear poop in the woods? No seriously, do they poop there? According to the Charmin commercials, they even use TP! But I digress.

Back to my original question. My answer is this: hell no!! I'm not a good singer. I SUCK! But at least I could have tried out. I'll never know what I could have been. I could have been the next Wilma Hung....

Damn you American Idol! DAMN YOU!!!