I'm Back, Baby!

So I was driving into work this morning and realized there are some things that require me to get back to blogging, on account of just how much they piss me off.

Here is the list of my complaints and various rants:

1) Just because you put on your blinker, it does not give you the right to come into my lane if I’m still there. Assholes!

2) If you are in a crowded store during the busiest shopping time of the year and you are irritated at the long lines and in a hurry to get out of the store quickly, that does not give you the right to knock into me, bump into me, hit me with your 50 shopping bags, or step on my foot WITHOUT saying excuse me. Assholes!

3) If you are working in a professional environment that requires a professional dress code, it does not give you the right to dress like a professional street walker, complete with stiletto-heeled hooker boots with S&M straps, mini skirts, belly shirts, and peek-a-boo blouses. Whores!

4) Just because you’re old, it does not give you the right to be crotchety. If you don’t want to be alive anymore, call Dr Kevorkian and leave me the hell alone. Assholes!

5) Why does everyone in the world have to get together for dinner to celebrate the holidays the entire week after Christmas? For instance, last night I meet the hubby and the Boo Boo at Red Lobster at 6:30pm for dinner. This is my VERY LAST CHOICE for a place to eat. I do not enjoy spending my meal having to sit in an odor reminiscent of a woman’s personal hygiene problem. But nonetheless, hubby got a gift card for Christmas and wanted to go. So we meet up there and it turns out there is a 45 minute wait… on a random Wednesday night at the “stinky restaurant” (as my son calls it). So instead of a tasty grilled chicken salad (I do not eat fish or seafood or anything that smells like crotch rot), I had a Whopper, Jr for dinner. Woo-freakin-hoo.

6) Just because it’s the holidays, it does not mean that TV shows have to take 2 months off and show reruns. I mean what the phuck? First, the seasons don’t even start until like October or November, then they take months off during the holidays, and then the series finales are in like, freaking March and April. That is such bullshit. Now an entire season of a show has like 20 episodes, and to purchase it on DVD, it’s like $50. That is such bullshit!

7) This morning on the radio I hear how Paris Hilton landed in Australia so she can ring in the New Year. As Mel said, “HOW IS THAT NEWS?” Exactly! What the hell? Who gives a rat’s ass? Except maybe the people in Australia who should promptly get the hell out of the country. My guess is you get syphilis just LOOKING at her…
Skank!

8) Just because your name is Ralph Lauren, it doesn’t mean you can charge oodles of money for a sub-par product. I am wearing this RL skirt today. Somehow, the inside lining ripped, split all the way up the back, twisted up inside the skirt, and subsequently pulled up the skirt as I was walking in to work today. By the time I got here, the opening in the back of my skirt (yes Mel, my “slit”) was all the way up to the bottom tip of my ass. You k now Ralphie Boy, I realize I have a lot of Junk in the Trunk. But a) I don’t need to be reminded of my excessive rear-end girth by making the inside lining split open and b) I don’t need to be showing my ass to everyone in Cleveland. Bastardo!

9) I phucking hate Band-Aids. You put them on, and after one washing of the hands, they slide off. So then you spend the rest of the day trying to slide it back on your finger whilst picking off fuzzies and other accumulations the damned thing picks up because it no longer sticks to your God-darned hand. And God forbid you try to take it off and refasten it. Fahgettabaddit!

10) Just because you have to get up early for work, it does not mean that you should skip bathing, pick up a dirty outfit off the floor, and roll into work looking like something that the cat hacked up. For the love of God and for the sake of your coworkers: TAKE A SHOWER. Filthy Hot Mess!

Well my friends, this is just a brief year-end round up of rants. I’m sure there will be more to come. There is no freaking way I’ve covered everything that pisses me off. Actually, this is more of a “things that piss today” list. So keep your eyes peeled. I’m back, Baby. And I’m more pissed off than ever!

Happy freaking 2007...